What to do when he says he doesn’t know what he wants and requires time to figure himself out
What he truly means when he says he requires to “figure himself out”?
Why is it so complicated when he says he enjoys you and “does not wish to lose you”. At the same time, ho doesn’t want to commit. How to understand if you should wait or move on if he states he does not understand what he wants?
Signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you
I feel your frustration. I know that it is actually difficult when you have actually invested your time, energy, and feelings into a relationship. Now it is not entering the instructions, or at the pace, you would like it to.
What he really implies when he says he needs to figure himself out.
He does not feel prepared to devote since he’s unclear of what he eventually desires.
Since he is not sure of what he desires, he’s not entirely offered or committed to deepening your relationship.
In other words, he can’t be “all in” if he’s not sure.
And this is triggering concern for you because you and he have different levels of relationship readiness. Maybe a different vision for the sort of life and relationship that would be satisfying for you long-term. You may want to relocate together and get wed while he is not sure whether that’s what he truly wants.
One simple text that solves all relationship issues…
When he doesn’t text you back…
He pulls away from you…
He does not know what he wants…
Your relationship is out of balance…
He does not want to commit…
Start with taking a short quiz:
He doesn’t know what he wants
He must figure that out before you make a formal dedication to each other. How heartbreaking would it be if, after a wedding and a shared home mortgage with you, he chooses that this isn’t what he really desires?
So even though his self-awareness journey avoids you and him from entering into much more profound levels of commitment together, his self-discovery process is really a good thing. It is part of “getting ready” for a relationship.
The clearer he is about what he desires, the clearer his relationship choices will be.
He states he enjoys you and does not wish to lose you– which’s most likely all true.
Then he likewise states he doesn’t understand what he wants and requires time to choose.
There’s a distinction between having intense sensations for you and really being ready, available, and devoted to fulfilling your requirements. And produce a fulfilling relationship with you.
His sensations for you are real and might be clear as day for him.
He still might fear commitment or be uncertain about whether he desires to devote. He might choose a relationship with you.
However, how all set and available is he to develop a relationship with you, that’s deeply fulfilling for you which meets your needs?
What does it mean when a guy doesn’t know what he wants?
How ready and prepared is he to provide you with the type of relationship that you eventually want?
The other problem that develops when you have differing levels of preparedness or differing visions. You both are going to have needs that will go unmet.
Whenever you experience concern in a relationship, it generally points to a requirement or requirement that is going unmet.
That’s why it’s so essential to share your vision with each other and ensure your dreams are lined up– that you’re on the very same course and less most likely to grow apart– before making a dedication to each other.
Are you expecting too much?
No, you’ve been dating for two-and-a-half years.
That’s plenty of time for him to decide whether he wants to go the long run with you.
And if he is still uncertain, then he has some growing to do in terms of his own self-awareness.
Plus, your expectations are your expectations.
It’s OK to desire what you want.
You have a vision for the kind of life and relationship that you actually want.
Everyone has a vision for the type of life and relationship that would be profoundly fulfilling for them.
The issue here is that it seems like you may have varying visions with your partner. Or he is uncertain what his vision is right now.
Good thing is, he is being forthright about how he feels and where he is at.
This is to your advantage because it provides you with information on which you can make decisions about the future of your relationship.
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What should I do when he doesn’t know what he wants?
The question you have to ask yourself is, what is it costing you to wait? And the length of time are you happy to keep paying that rate?
There is no external authority on this.
There is no ideal time frame, just the time frame that you select. It’s a really personal decision based on what actually matters to you.
Ultimately, you get to decide for how long you wish to await him to come around. You know what’s finest for YOU.
I’m going to take a stand here and offer some point of view given that you ARE asking for my recommendations.
When a guy says he doesn’t know what he is looking for?
If he requires to “figure himself out” and is uncertain about whether he wants to devote, there is no telling the length of time he will take to “figure himself out.”
He is uncertain of which direction he is going and unsure of whether he wishes to dedicate to a relationship.
Usually, I just suggest waiting if there is a clear light at the end of the tunnel and you’re actually approaching a resolution.
You can plainly see that there is a limited amount of time you will be waiting. His divorce is simply a couple months away. He is taking meaningful action toward solving whatever concern is in the way of co-creating the relationship you want together.
Those are my 2 requirements.
Limited waiting time. And commitment in attitude and action.
And you need to KNOW that you wish to be together to be dedicated to getting rid of whatever is in the method of being together.
Know that you deserve to be in love with someone who enjoys you back.
There are typically 2 reasons why a male tells a female he’s dating that he doesn’t know what he wants.
Initially, it’s code for – I do not see a future with you, but you’re great to hang out with for now.
Which isn’t always a bad thing. It’s OK to date someone because you enjoy dating him; however, don’t see them as a lifetime partner. You never understand what may develop.
It depends upon what you desire. The second reason is that he really does not know.
There can be lots of reasons for this. However, they are most likely about HIM, not you.
Possibly he’s still not ‘recovered’ from a previous relationship.
Possibly he’s handling other significant issues in his life, and a serious relationship is not a top priority right now.
Possibly he’s not ready. Perhaps he never ever will be.
So that’s where we return to:
Do you know what you really want?
What do you desire?
If you understand that you are ready to move forward and he’s not, then why would you continue to stay in a relationship with him? Most likely, you’re not dating other men.
For many ladies, when they’re invested in a relationship with one man and they inform themselves they are open to dating other men, they’re really deceiving themselves because their heart is closed.
Many relationships battle since one partner is more committed to the relationship than the other.
Sadly, relationships can just work and be healthy when both partners are invested consistently. What does that mean for you if your partner can’t seem to make up their mind on what they desire?
Many females struggle with this particular problem and might hold onto a relationship that is not good for them. At the same time, they attempt to determine what to do.
Determine what you can accept and what you can’t.
Look within yourself and determine what you can accept from your partner and what you can’t.
If you feel you can wait on a while for them to determine if this is what they want, then be honest with yourself about what the minimum effort is from them that you can accept.
Get to know what you require or walk away.
If you feel you have requested something from your partner and they simply never seem to have the time for you, you need to plainly interact with what you need from them and why.
Now you still can’t seem to get those requirements met, you may need to take a look at whether or not your needs matter in this relationship or if it is just theirs. If it’s not two-sided, it’s not healthy.